Not at good terms with Ramzan
Long before ot starts, posts praising its spiritual & physical benefits appear in timelines. It seems like the whole year people have been waiting for it ? Really ? So what kind of alien I am because I redoute this month ?
Ok that the paradise's gates are open and that you stomach and digestive system take some rest. Every second organ eliminates toxines. Blood pressure improves. I agree. But it's also when you realise that food matters. Or people wouldn't sleep all day. Yeah, if it didn't people won't put on weight instead of losing.
I find it very tiring even if I was in a air-cooled office, I did no manual job and did merely 6000 steps a day in average. It was tiring because I felt weak. Because every time my colleagues ate in front of me, I had to control myself. Because not drinking caused dehydration. Not eating, caused weakness. I felt dizzy all day without even touching alcohol in my whole life.
In this month, I got tired of myself. I fought a strange battle against my own self. How stupid my thoughts were so profoundly anchored in dunya and tremendously selfish.
How people can appreciate Ramzan when it's an exam time? You need to prove yourself perfect. I had hard time protecting my eyes so much that they got conjonctivite. I had hard time keeping my calm when cats infested the home with buggs. I had hard time being alone and missing my family. I had hard time praying alone with no mosque in my surroundings. I had hard hard time not yelling at my colleague who kept putting down our team.
How can one love Ramzan ? Yeah, put off aftari's you get invited at. Substract dahi barray, channay ki chat, pakoray, jalebi, mithai...Leave it with a peice of bread and some Saalan to accompany it. Imagine it without a mother coming waking you up for suhoor, and waking up late for suhoor, with bugs eating you out, conjonctivite attacking your eyes, professionally tight schedule...
Finally, when it reaches to an end, posts about eid start poping out as mashrooms. Imagine an eid without relatives, without eidi, without new clothes, with just the permission to eat freely...but wait you are so tired to cook...
What makes it spiritual when you are still stuck in the materialistic needs? When do we go close to Allah ?
So as the imam recites surat Aa'la at Eid's namaz, I was suddenly releived that the month of test was over. I could blame sheitan for my faults again even if i knew my nafs was far more darker. Releived to be with my family and free to eat. I had a connection. A connection that made me cry all water out of my eyes. God talking to me, me listening. So close in a masjid. I was so happy to see off Ramzan, the sacred month.
"Ramzan is comming !!"
Ok that the paradise's gates are open and that you stomach and digestive system take some rest. Every second organ eliminates toxines. Blood pressure improves. I agree. But it's also when you realise that food matters. Or people wouldn't sleep all day. Yeah, if it didn't people won't put on weight instead of losing.
I find it very tiring even if I was in a air-cooled office, I did no manual job and did merely 6000 steps a day in average. It was tiring because I felt weak. Because every time my colleagues ate in front of me, I had to control myself. Because not drinking caused dehydration. Not eating, caused weakness. I felt dizzy all day without even touching alcohol in my whole life.
In this month, I got tired of myself. I fought a strange battle against my own self. How stupid my thoughts were so profoundly anchored in dunya and tremendously selfish.
How people can appreciate Ramzan when it's an exam time? You need to prove yourself perfect. I had hard time protecting my eyes so much that they got conjonctivite. I had hard time keeping my calm when cats infested the home with buggs. I had hard time being alone and missing my family. I had hard time praying alone with no mosque in my surroundings. I had hard hard time not yelling at my colleague who kept putting down our team.
How can one love Ramzan ? Yeah, put off aftari's you get invited at. Substract dahi barray, channay ki chat, pakoray, jalebi, mithai...Leave it with a peice of bread and some Saalan to accompany it. Imagine it without a mother coming waking you up for suhoor, and waking up late for suhoor, with bugs eating you out, conjonctivite attacking your eyes, professionally tight schedule...
Finally, when it reaches to an end, posts about eid start poping out as mashrooms. Imagine an eid without relatives, without eidi, without new clothes, with just the permission to eat freely...but wait you are so tired to cook...
What makes it spiritual when you are still stuck in the materialistic needs? When do we go close to Allah ?
So as the imam recites surat Aa'la at Eid's namaz, I was suddenly releived that the month of test was over. I could blame sheitan for my faults again even if i knew my nafs was far more darker. Releived to be with my family and free to eat. I had a connection. A connection that made me cry all water out of my eyes. God talking to me, me listening. So close in a masjid. I was so happy to see off Ramzan, the sacred month.
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